Shortly after you have been notified of your loved one’s death you will receive a phone call from your casualty assistance representative to arrange a visit. She will ask if you have any immediate problems, confirm your mailing address, and arrange to meet with you at the earliest time and place convenient to you. It is important that you meet with your casualty assistance representative as soon as possible, usually within twenty-four hours of his or her call. The first visit will be brief, probably less than an hour. The main purpose of this first visit is to exchange information. In some cases your casualty assistance representative may ask to meet with you in private. It may feel like a tremendous amount of information to deal with, coming so quickly after learning of the death of your loved one. You may want assistance from a counselor, a doctor, an interpreter, or even a member of your church. Your casualty assistance representative can help you connect with these support providers. Of course you may have other family members present if you desire.

You will be asked to provide an address where you may be reached for the next forty-five days. If this is not the same as your current mailing address, you should provide both your current and future addresses. These addresses will be used to provide you with information from your casualty assistance representative, the Department of Defense, and other concerned parties. Please, let your casualty assistance representative know immediately if this information changes.

The casualty assistance representative will also need to verify the accuracy of the family information in Department of Defense records. It is his or her job to confirm the status of all known family members, including the marital status of the deceased service member, any previous marriages, divorce decrees, and child custody orders. Casualty assistance representatives will not request sensitive personal data such as Social Security numbers, birth dates, or banking information over the phone. Your casualty assistance representative may ask for copies of important documents. Without these documents benefits may be delayed or denied.

It is especially important to identify all the service member’s children. Occasionally a service member has not identified all children on the Record of Emergency Data. Please, don’t be offended if your casualty assistance representative asks you whether a loved one was married before and if there are any children from that or other relationships. Also, he or she will want to know if the deceased service member was known by a name other than the given name, such as a nickname, middle name, or maiden name.

Because of federal law and individual service member elections, it is possible that the Primary Next-of-Kin (PNOK), the Person Eligible to Receive Personal Effects (PERE), and the Person Authorized to Direct Disposition of Human Remains (PADD) are the same person. It is equally possible that they could be three different people; therefore, each designation will be fully explained to you.

Your casualty assistance representative will schedule a follow-up visit soon after the initial visit. There will be as many follow-up visits as necessary. Depending on your Service, you may also meet with a mortuary affairs officer. During these meetings you will discuss payment of the death gratuity, preparation for the funeral, any honors due to your loved one, and any questions you may have.

Newspapers, radio, and television often report on local service members who have given their lives in service for our country. It is your choice whether you wish to speak to the media directly, or maintain your privacy and have the military support you in your dealings with the media. If you would like assistance, your casualty assistance representative can help by putting you in touch with a public affairs officer who is accustomed to dealing with the media. You will be able to discuss whatever information you would like to share and how you would like to share it.

As a matter of policy, the Department of Defense, which includes the Military Services, will not release any casualty information to the media or the general public until twenty-four hours after the last next-of-kin has been notified. In multi-loss incidents, the twenty-four hour requirement will start after the last next-of-kin of all decedents has been notified.

The Department of Defense requires detailed information from you in order to fully assist you in the settlement of your loved one’s personal affairs and financial accounts, as well as the initiation of any survivor benefits that may apply to you. You are not required to provide this information; however, without it, your casualty assistance officer may not be able to assist you in settling your loved one’s personal affairs or applying for certain benefits. This information may also be used by other government agencies, as well as other selected agencies, such as an insurance company or bank, to process or disburse benefits and entitlements. The Department of Defense will store some or all of this information in the Defense Casualty Information Processing System (DCIPS), which is a controlled access information system that the Services use to manage each casualty case.

Because the Department of Defense receives many requests from private individuals, organizations, federal and state elected members of government, and other reputable sources asking for family member contact information, you may also be asked whether you consent to have certain information provided to interested elected officials or to third-party benefactors who may wish to extend their condolences or provide support such as gifts, monetary assistance, or scholarships. This decision is entirely up to you; U.S. privacy laws bar the government from releasing your private information to third-parties without your written consent. Additionally, while there may be many offers to families of deceased service members, each organization has its own criteria and receipt of such gifts or offers is not automatic.